Fútbol fever in a World Cup year? Hah! Don’t tell that to John Oliver and Keith Olbermann. The hosts, respectively, of HBO’s Last Week Tonight and ESPN’s Olbermann each issued seething soccer screeds this year, Oliver ripping into the dark side of the Cup and Olbermann telling us how to Americanize the sport. Funny as those diatribes were, SI couldn’t help imagining the two going head-to-head on the sport. Here, a mash-up of their actual arguments.

KEITH OLBERMANN: I’d like to preface this by saying that I don’t care whether soccer succeeds or fails in this country.

JOHN OLIVER: In America, soccer is something you pick your 10-year-old daughter up from, but for everyone else, it’s a little more important.

(full article published in Sports Illustrated, December 22, 2014)